Break up recovery is a process.
A relationship takes time to develop. Therefore, it also takes time to recover when the relationship ends.
You will go through many different emotions after a breakup. It may feel like you will never get over losing your partner. However, you will eventually heal.
There are things that you can do to make sure that you heal completely.
It isn’t easy to do this type of emotional work. Still, it will make you a stronger person. Additionally, it will prepare you to enter your next relationship with an open heart.
Break up Recovery is a Grief Process
You might think that grief is something you only experience after a death. However, people feel grief after any major loss. Therefore, you have to grieve the loss of your relationship.
You’ll likely go through one or more of these stages of grief as you recover from a break-up:
- Denial that it is really over
- This may lead to bargaining with your ex to try to make it work
- Anger at your partner, yourself, or just in general
- Sadness, which can even lead to depression
After going through a range of different emotions, eventually, you come to acceptance. This is the point you want to reach in break up recovery. It means you’ve processed the experience, and therefore you are ready to move forward.
How to Deal with Losing Them
When you break up, you lose a person who has been a key part of your life. There is nothing easy about this experience. You don’t just lose a lover. Instead, you also lose a best friend, a confidante, and an activity partner. If you work together, you may lose a business partner. If you have children, you don’t necessarily lose a co-parent, but you lose the relationship of parenting together in that same way.
So how do you deal with losing them?
Acknowledge the Loss
Make the effort to notice all that you have lost, even though doing so is painful. Admit that there is an absence. When you realize what you have lost then you are better able to meet your needs in new ways.
Address Core Issues
Take stock of the relationship. Work to see that there were both positive and negative things about the relationship. On one hand, look at your role in the problems. On the other hand, don’t beat yourself up for the fact that it didn’t work out.
If possible, have a conversation with your ex for closure. You can both express gratitude for what you had. You can share the sadness that it didn’t work out. This type of conversation is best done with the help of a therapist.
You will also want to address how the breakup has impacted you. Breaking up often does a number on self-esteem. You may feel unlovable, or you may fear that you will never find someone to love. Processing these feelings is a key part of break up recovery.
Accept that this Might be the Best Outcome
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Recognize that it ended for a reason. Accepting that the break up was necessary will help you recover.
How to Heal from Loving Someone
It is so painful when we love someone and then they leave. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Here are a few tips to help you heal:
- Turn to your support network. Don’t isolate yourself during this time.
- Accept the feelings that you have at the moment, knowing that they won’t last forever.
- Distract yourself. Accepting the feelings doesn’t mean dwelling on them.
- Spend time doing things that you really enjoy. Treat yourself.
- Romance yourself. You don’t need a partner to enjoy fresh flowers, chocolates, and massages.
- Practice gratitude. Noticing life’s positive aspects will reduce the pain.
Do you have questions about how a therapist can help you through your break up recovery? Get some answers here.
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